A Letter From The Breakfast Club 2015 Edition

Dear Mr. Vernon,

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. We think it’s crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. I say “we” because I guess I’m writing this on behalf of everyone in here. We never actually said anything to each other because we all just stared at our phones the entire time. Everyone else collectively agreed over Facebook Chat that I would write this. You see us as you want to see us. In the simplest terms, and most convenient definitions. But what I found out from stalking everyone’s Instagram accounts is that each one of us is a Game of Thrones fan fiction writer, and a lax bro, and a hot mess, and a selfie enthusiast, and a pothead, does that answer your question?

Sincerely yours,

The Breakfast Club

P.S. follow us on twitter @Breakfast_Club

Students Refuse to Attend Class Until MSU Cancels Winter

“Why did I choose a school in a state that has such crappy weather, why didn’t I go to school in Florida?” This is the question all Michigan based students find themselves asking at the start of each “spring” semester. With temperatures often into the single digits and even sometimes below zero, students have decided to take a stand against Michigan weather. With a campus as large as Michigan State, the winter cold makes it even harder to get around efficiently. From being trampled on the Cata Bus, to slipping on the icy bridges, or walking through the freezing cold wind tunnel between the stadium and IM West, students have had it with the cold and snow. With parking spots being so limited on campus the only solution remains. It’s time for MSU to cancel winter.

Last winter the polar vortex of ‘14 forced MSU to have its first full snow day since 2011. Other days, students were not so lucky. On many occasions the temperature was no more than 7 degrees and students were forced to venture out into the cold after being warned to prevent frostbite by “not letting any skin be in contact with the cold for more than 15 minutes.” If only it didn’t take most people at least 20 minutes to make the journey from south to north neighborhood. With this issue still arising each school year, the solution seems clear. The idea of canceling winter has been suggested throughout the many generations of Spartans, but now it’s time for MSU to take it seriously. Students will continue to boycott classes until either MSU agrees to their demands of bringing class to them, or cancels the season of winter entirely.

This fight isn’t for the people who still wear shorts and just a sweatshirt, or those who try to bike through the snowy abyss. In fact, this protest is lead by the students who are fed up with the snow blowing at their faces as they try to get to their morning lectures. This is a battle for those who are tired of waking up an extra half hour early just to have enough time to bundle up. The end of a struggle for the underclassman who live in Brody, but have class in the chemistry building and no bus pass. This is the last glimmer of hope for the upperclassman and graduate students who are brave enough to live off campus, already freezing in their homes because they can’t afford to turn up the heat. Even the noble professors who decide to cancel class when the university doesn’t.

No one knows how long students can avoid attending classes, but it’s not like they weren’t planning to use their 1 or 2 skips during the winter months anyway. President Lou Anna K. Simon has yet to make a statement on whether or not this is a possibility for the future. Meanwhile you can join in on the protest by staying home all semester.

A Thank You Note To Parks & Recreation

After seven seasons of laughs, tears, and waffles, it’s time to say goodbye to Parks & Recreation. I will cherish this clever show that introduced me to Galentines Day, Lil’ Sebastian (RIP), Mouse Rat, and Treat Yo Self. Pawnee will always hold a special place in my heart and not just because I’ve lived in Maumee, Ohio and it’s surprisingly similar. These characters have taught me so much about life, love, and the importance of hard work.

Thank you Ron Swanson, for teaching me that it’s okay to let others in. Ron may be a tough guy who enjoys breakfast food and woodworking, but he also isn’t afraid to show his sensitive side. He has nothing but respect for the strong women in his life and even acts as father figure from time to time. He may act stubborn but deep down he wants what is best for the people in his life.

Thank you Jerry Gergich, for teaching me the significance of taking the high road. He may be the butt of every joke but he never holds a grudge over his co-workers. He treats them with respect even when they don’t return the favor. He gives forgiveness easily because he knows that life is short and kindness is more important than revenge. Thank you Jerry, Terry, Larry, Garry, whatever your name is.

Thank you Donna Meagle, for teaching me the importance of self-respect. Donna’s true love may be her Mercedes, but she also knows how crucial it is to love oneself. Sometimes you need to step back and take some time to practice self-love. When life gets overwhelming, don’t forget to Treat Yo Self.

Thank you Chris Traeger, for teaching me the power of positivity. Chris can take any unfortunate situation and put a positive spin on it. His upbeat and energetic personality rubs off on everyone around him. He can LITERALLY find the bright side even in the darkest of times, and thanks to the help of Dr. Richard Nygard he isn’t afraid to admit that sometimes, it is hard to find that positive light. Don’t let that stop you from being optimistic and encouraging others to do the same.

Thank you Andy Dwyer for showing me I don’t have to always be serious.  Face it, Andy is a goofball who loves having a good time. He may mess up sometimes but his intentions are always pure. He knows how to have a good time and will go out of his way to make sure his friends are included too. Sure he fell in the pit, and may not always think things through, but he’s spontaneous. Andy has taught me that finding the fun in life is pretty awesome-sauce.

Thank you April Ludgate, for teaching me not to care what others think of me. April doesn’t necessarily fit the mold of they typical twentysomething female. With that being said, she does struggle with the thing we are all secretly struggling with: what to do with our lives.  April doesn’t change who she is to make other people like her and she definitely marches to the beat of her own drum. She may hate most people, but she still loves very deeply for her friends both human and furry.

Thank you Tom Haverford, for teaching me to never give up on my dreams. Tom may be the most ridiculous of the parks department crew, but he’s also got the biggest dreams. From Entertainment 7/20, to Rent-A-Swag, to Tom’s Bistro, he doesn’t let failure get in the way of his goals. Even when his business ideas don’t always work out, he doesn’t give up. He is full of ideas and isn’t afraid to sometimes BS his way to the top. Not to mention he has killer swag. I’ll never forget who taught me lingo such as food rakes, zerts, and DJ Roomba.

Thank you Ann Perkins, for showing me the benefits of being a kind and caring person. Ann is always willing to help others and tell the truth even when it hurts. She understands the importance of honesty when it comes to friendship, and that sometimes it takes work to maintain those friendships. She taught me that when it comes to romantic relationships we all deserve someone who respects and treats you right. Ann you beautiful tropical fish, thank you.

Thank you Ben Wyatt, for bringing out my inner nerd. His love for calzones is almost as endearing as his Game of Thrones fan-fiction. He taught me that you shouldn’t change your interests to fit in with other people. He also taught me that it’s possible to rise above after making mistakes. Sure ice town was a disaster, but look at him now! Ben does things by the book and follows the rules, but he also isn’t afraid to take a chance every now and then.

Thank you, Leslie Knope for teaching me the power of passion and hard work. Leslie is someone we can all look up to. She stands up for what she believes in even if she’s standing alone. She respects her enemies and does the right thing for the greater good. She works incredibly hard for what she wants and pushes boundaries when necessary. She taught me that no matter what gender you are, it should not limit your abilities or silence your opinions. Leslie also taught me the importance of friendship. You can spend all your time working, but in the end it’s the people in your life that can give you the most joy. Thank you Leslie, for teaching me what is important in life: waffles, friends, then work.

The parks finale won’t just be the end of a television series, but the end of an era as well. I feel so lucky to have been able to spend time with these characters through the good and bad in the wonderful city of Pawnee. Throw a calzone in the oven and stock up on whipped cream for your waffles, because it’s time to say goodbye to a show that not only made us laugh, but taught us so much about perseverance and dreaming big. Thank you Michael Schur for creating characters that will stay with me forever. Thank you, Parks and Recreation, for LITERALLY everything.

How “Mean Girls” Changed My Life

Get your pink shirts ready, fluff up your hair so big it’s full of secrets, call Randy from Chase Visa, head for the projection room above the auditorium, take your wig off, and say crack again (crack), because you might want to leave the south side for this…

You may have heard around the web that April 30th marks the 10th anniversary of the film Mean Girls. This clever comedy, written by Tina Fey and directed by Mark Waters, is considered one of the most popular and influential girl power movies of all time. Since its premiere in 2004, it seems that fans of the film can’t stop talking about it—well, quoting it to be exact. You can find Mean Girls references all over the internet, including online quizzes assisting in the discovery of that vital question “Which Mean Girls Character Are You?” (I got Mrs. Norberry in case you were wondering). Countless articles about how this movie has impacted generations of teenagers, and taught us lessons about self-respect and feminism have been written over these past 10 years. I know the last thing you want to do is read yet another article about Mean Girls, but you better get used to it. When it comes down to the appreciation of the film that heightened our vocabularies with slang such as “grool, fetch, and fugly,” there is no end in sight.

Fey has created one of the strongest, most loyal “fandoms” there is, without even knowing it or probably intending to do so. Most of us have seen the movie hundreds of times, and can pretty much recite the script beginning to end. Not only is this movie hilarious, but when it comes to surviving high school as a girl, it holds some truth. When I first saw it in theaters, it went straight over my innocent 10 year old head. Literally every “subtle” sexual innuendo didn’t even phase me, until my later years of awkward puberty. I can distinctly remember being in the 6th grade when I was jokingly asked if “I’d like someone to butter my muffin” and all the sudden “it hit me like a big yellow school bus.” As a 4th grader in that movie theater, little did I know that in the years to come this movie would completely change my life; helping me discover a love and passion for comedy, as well as teaching me the rules of girl word. So don’t throw away your army pants and flip flops just yet, and get ready to keep being personally victimized by Regina George.

I wouldn’t want to live in a world where people don’t regularly yell out “she doesn’t even go here” in a large crowd of people.  I mean you’re lying if you say you haven’t tried to successfully memorize the Jingle Bell Rock dance at a highly inappropriate young age. Or even make a diarrhea joke outside of a Barnes and Noble. You may be under the impression that Mean Girls is as successful as it is because of the humor and quotable lines. I think that the real reason this film is so well-known, is due to the fact that the message really resonates with everyone. It takes on the task of portraying a girl who feels like an outcast, and how she changes herself to be better liked by her peers. Sound familiar? Yes, this may be the plot of many movies, but there is something special about this storyline. This film depicts a lot of issues teenage girls face, but in a way that makes it okay to laugh about.

The Character of Cady Heron accurately illustrates what it is like to change who you are to fit in. Something I, as well as most girls can probably attest to. I personally felt a connection to Cady, and not because I too just happen to be a natural redhead. Maybe you’re more of a Gretchen, or a Karen, maybe you feel like Janis, or Damien, or you may even be the Regina. It doesn’t matter who you identify with, we are all fighting the same battle of desperately hoping to fit in. All through school I felt the need to find affirmation and self-worth from others. Like most girls, I thought gaining the respect of my peers was crucial. I didn’t understand that respecting myself, was way more important. We often let people change us, and make us feel crappy for being different. Cady, although she went through a transition herself, came to the realization that it doesn’t actually matter what people think. I know, much easier to say than truly believe, but it really is a fact. I was interested in things that my friends weren’t always crazy about, which made me feel different from them. I thought different was a bad thing, when in actuality it is the best thing someone can be. Do you really want to sacrifice what makes you unique to be in a group of robot-like girls who are all the same person, (cough cough the plastics) just to fit in? I wasn’t sure exactly who I was, or wanted to be. I was caught up in the idea of finding an identity. Now I realize that I don’t need to find an identity to take on, as I am not an actor playing a role, instead I have the opportunity to create an identity. Mean Girls helped me discover that you don’t have to fit a mold, or do what is expected of you. You should do whatever makes you happy, and surround yourself with people who make you strive to be the best version of yourself.

After repeatedly watching Mean Girls, I soon discovered Saturday Night Live, sparking my interest in comedy. I watched Tina Fey and Amy Poehler on weekend update, mesmerized by their comedic wit. Once I hit 10th grade, I started really getting into comedy television. I’d watch anything and everything. This was my outlet, as I was never a class clown or even an outgoing student. Television was, and still is my best friend. As sad as that sounds, it’s not as pathetic as you think. I’ve learned a lot from television, like what makes a good joke, and how to develop characters and relationships throughout a series. I always saw comedy as a hobby, and I never thought it would influence my career goals. It wasn’t until college that people started telling me I was funny, or a decent writer. Sometimes a gut feeling isn’t enough, but hearing it from others–even strangers is all it takes. Knowing people are enjoying what you are creating truly is the best feeling.   

 Girls are mean, there is no doubt about that. They can be catty, bitchy, and in constant competition with one another, yet Mean Girls twists it into a way that makes it acceptable to laugh about it. Fey has created a timeless comedy, portraying the label of a “mean girl” vs. the “outcast.” People will continue to relate to, and reference it during their awkward, lonely, high-school years. The humor in Mean Girls will never get old, because girls will always be mean. There is no doubt about that. In another 10 years we will still be laughing at Kevin G’s rap, Karen Smith’s gym clothes (in the name of all that is holy) and Damien’s too gay to function mannerisms.  This classic comedy will live on forever, as we all know when it comes to the number of times one can watch and quote Mean Girls, the limit does not exist.




A Prayer For Amanda Bynes

Amanda Bynes is a Nickelodeon treasure. When I was growing up I wanted nothing more than to be like Amanda. Watching All That, and The Amanda Show were the best parts of my day. She is a talented, funny, and beautiful actress. Unfortunately, like many other child stars, somewhere along the road to fame she lost her way.  This is my prayer for the young girl who once brought us 90s kids so many laughs. She may have made a few strange slip ups over the past couple years, but I’m rooting for you, Holly Tyler.

First, All Mighty Father, 

let us pray for Amanda’s career, We all admired her once, back when she truly was All That

My dear Amanda, I am deeply concerned about your hairstyle choices. What is this mess of blonde-pink weave you’ve got going on? Penny, you know your character in hairspray, would never approve. Hopefully now that you’ve had a taste of the Judicial System, you’re never going back

Speaking of the Judicial System, I pray that any further legal issues help to bring out your inner Judge Trudy. We all know she’s still a part of you, but if you keep up the drug use the dancing lobsters may become a reality

St. Marianne Byrant, why did you throw a bong out of a window? for your sake, I hope God has a sense of humor. But if not, there is a higher power who will judge you for your indecency.. (Justin Bieber) So take it Easy, Ehh?

O Lord, May Drake Bell save your damaged soul, we would love for you two to work out your unrequited love in yet another “Hill Billy Moment”

On the topic of Drake, Lord please lift up Amanda’s Twitter account. For she did not mean to offend anyone, she was simply portraying her rebel alter-ego from her former role as Daphne Reynolds. Getting attacked on Twitter is definitely not What A Girl Wants

 Lord please watch over Holly Tyler, Though she may be a liar, and I’ll never fully understand why she wanted to date Henry when Vince was SO OBVIOUSLY in love with her. What I Like About You quickly vanished before our eyes, just like your once booming career.

You will forever be Amanda, the popular queen bee from “The Girl’s Room.” Her innocence may be tainted, but you don’t have to pretend to be the bad bitch you’ll never be.  So take that piercing out of your cheek, seriously.

As Penelope Taynt would say, Amanda please, admit that you have made some mistakes. You seem as lost as your mother in that hot air balloon on Moody’s Point

Lastly God, I pray for Amanda’s health. If a pregnant Jamie Lynn can get through ruining the greatness that was once Zoey 101, you can get through this little mishap.  I wish you the best of luck in the fashion school you’ve just enrolled in, but may you one day return to the world of sketch comedy. Because when it comes to the one and only Amanda Bynes, we can all agree that

She’s The (Wo)Man,


Are You There Netflix? It’s Me, Megan

“The Netflix Binge” The World’s Newest Epidemic

I just got Netflix for my birthday. Well actually a month early, because I couldn’t wait any longer. That should tell you something right there. On day one of finally purchasing my very own membership, I was already addicted. It doesn’t surprise me that people get addicted so easily when there are so many quality TV shows to choose from. I don’t just love TV; it is a major part of my life. As sad as that sounds, I’ve learned that I’m not alone. There are so many Netflix addicts out there, so you don’t have to feel bad about yourself for spending hours in front of your TV or computer screen glued to Orange Is The New Black. My Netflix addiction is no joke, and I would say that for some people it’s turning into somewhat of an epidemic. There are serious side effects, such as: lack of interest in other activities, little or no social life, and over-attachment to fictional characters. They become a part of your life, and sometimes I even find myself worrying about the well-being of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman throughout my week.

That bright red screen is almost like a sense of comfort and belonging. The funny thing is that even if you want to stop watching, depending on what device you’re streaming it on, Netflix doesn’t ask you if you want to watch the next episode. The countdown starts, the remote is out of reach, so you think to yourself “just one more episode.” Before you know it you’re 4 seasons deep, it’s 3:00 in the morning and you’ve lost all control of your life. But then you’re on that last episode of the series, and you just don’t want it to end. But it does, and it leaves you feeling empty –until you find a new series to invest your emotional attachment in. This is what is referred to as “binge watching.” It’s just a cycle and it comes with relapse and withdrawals, just like any other addiction. The commercials you see on TV even warn to “watch responsibly.” In no way am I dissing Netflix; in many ways I see it as kind of like a close friend who is around only when you want them to be. So stop feeling bad about finishing the entire series of LOST in a 2 week time span. Or watching not just one, but all three Cheetah Girls movies in one sitting (I’ve done it and let me tell you I am not ashamed). I guarantee loving Netflix won’t land you on an episode of “My Strange Addiction.” So keep watching, and don’t forget that one more episode really means 8 more episodes, or even an entire season. Good luck my friends.