So there’s Beyoncé, and then there’s me. I’m a fan just like every other living, breathing human on the planet. We know her as Bey, Yoncé, Sasha Fierce, Queen B, God, or whatever else you might call her, she is truly one of a kind. When I type Beyoncé into my phone, it automatically auto-corrects it so there is an accent over the “e.” Even the iPhone is like damn, respect the queen. There are two types of people in this world. People who love Beyoncé, and people who are dead to me. I’m no Beyoncé, I’m not even Kelly Rowland or that other child of destiny. It can be hard to actually relate to Beyoncé’s music on a personal or emotional level, because she is just so flawless I automatically feel inferior. What do I look like when I wake up? Not Beyoncé. Still, she could release a song about going to the bathroom and I would pay $1.29 to listen to it on repeat for days. Her latest hit, “Drunk In Love” is catchy as usual, but the so called hidden message is not exactly open for interpretation. In fact, it’s extremely clear and maybe a little too obvious. Here’s my analysis of Drunk In Love: Me Vs. Beyoncé.
“I’ve been drinking, I’ve been drinking. I get filthy when that liquor get into me” If by filthy she means sleepy.
“I’ve been thinking, I’ve been thinking, why can’t I keep my fingers off it, baby?” It’s called alcoholism, a disease that affects millions of people.
“Cigars on ice, cigars on ice” There may be some sort of double meaning here, but I’m just gonna go ahead and pretend she’s referring to a cigar being “on the rocks” which I know nothing about.
“Feeling like an animal with these cameras all in my grill. Flashing lights, flashing lights” Damn paps. Always snapping pics..
“You got me faded, faded, faded” What is drugs?
“Can’t keep your eyes off my fatty. Daddy, I want you, na na” Fatty= ass? Beyoncé has a great bod, so I wouldn’t really refer to her as having a fatty. Her ass looks great. Your a lucky man, Jay-Z. But wait, Daddy?……ewwwww. Don’t refer to your lover as daddy, it’s sick and twisted and it’s been done before. Mostly on Law & Order: SVU
“We woke up in the kitchen saying, How the hell did this shit happen? Oh baby,” If she’s talking about waking up to a plate of half eaten pizza rolls and a loss of dignity, I can really relate. But something tells me she’s not talking about the drunchies from the night before.
“Last thing I remember is our beautiful bodies grinding off in that club” Yeah so grinding ain’t always beautiful. Have you ever been to a high school dance?
“No complaints from my body, so fluorescent under these lights” All right, I know it’s Beyoncé, but NO ONE LOOKS GOOD IN FLUORESCENT LIGHTING. I don’t care how flawless you think you are, there’s nothing like a little fluorescent lighting to make you HATE YOURSELF.
“Park it in my lot 7-11″ You bet you can find me in that parking lot, 7-11 has the best Slurpees around. Or is this some kind of innuendo…
“I’m rubbing on it, rub-rubbing, if you scared, call that reverend” I don’t think your reverend’s gonna want to hear about that, but hey you do you.
“Then I fill the tub up halfway then ride it with my surfboard, surfboard, surfboard” Google it.
“Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood” Grains come from wheat not trees!
“I’m swerving on that, swerving, swerving on that big body” The only thing I’m swerving on is the icy sidewalks, polar vortex ’14 AM I RIGHT?
“Never tired, never tired” Well then how come I’m always tired? oh, I guess it’s because I’m not Beyoncé.
“I been sipping, that’s the only thing that’s keeping me on fire, me on fire. Didn’t mean to spill that liquor all on my attire” I’ve been there, someone spills beer on your new dress and it’s like game-over, time to call it a night.
“I’ve been drinking watermelon” Watermelon what, Smirnoff? Schnapps? Kool-aid? If it’s Burnett’s, (more like burnast, ayoooo) then Bey’s gonna end up with her head in the toilet. But I’m sure she still looks hotter than me even when she’s puking. If I refer to myself as “drinking watermelon”, for now just assume it’s watermelon sour patch kids.
“I want your body right here, daddy I want you, right now” once again, EW.
“Drunk in loooooooove” Beyoncé may be drunk in love, but I’m just drunk. Touche, Queen B.