An Open Letter To Justin Bieber

Dear Biebs,

Can I call you Biebs? I just feel as if  “Justin”  is kind of… been there done that. There’s Timberlake, Long, Russo, and no way would I put you in the same category as them. I mean it would be insulting–for them. I have so many questions, but first off, how dare you? I find myself wondering what happened to the Bieber we all once knew and (some) loved.  I’ll admit, I was once a belieber. No i’m not proud of it, but I really do believe you had some talent at one point in your career. Now I just don’t know what the hell you are doing these days. Where do I begin? Let’s start with the pants. There is this thing called a belt, I’m assuming you had one back in Canada? Sagging is not a cute look, and there is no excuse…as it is no longer the 90s. You look like you’re walking around with a full diaper in your pants, and this wasn’t  just a One Time occurrence. Pull it up, because I promise no one wants to see that. Now when it comes to illegal substances–I get it you’re young and you want to have a good time. You do you!  Just remember that when you choose to live a life in the spotlight, you can’t get mad when people call you out for smoking weed and picking fights with bars for not serving you underage. I let you slide for awhile, but when you peed in that bucket at that restaurant, It was a deal breaker. Then you just had to go and get a DUI? I bet you blew a (My World) 2.0  am I right? (JK, you’d be dead).

Let’s not forget about your mug shot, you really weren’t kidding when you said U Smile, I smile huh? You look like a psychopath, and I say that with love and the deepest of concerns. I’m guessing you felt like a real badass when you got that tattoo of Jesus on your calf huh? Well now I don’t think I can find a body part of yours that hasn’t been inked. Seriously Biebs, your tats look like a cluster-fuck. I know they are addicting but get it together and maybe next time don’t get a tat of a now ex-girlfriend on your arm. No amount of roses will ever change how creepy that is. Nothing says Down To Earth quite like a celebrity with too much money, spending thousands of dollars to get another celebrity’s attention.

I bet Drake wakes us every morning filled with regret about being featured in one of your songs (but not Sean Kingston, he’s still basking in the glory).  I know the media  is somewhat to blame for child stars who get into trouble, but you let it get out of control. And please, don’t drag Selena Gomez down with you, even if she is your Favorite Girl. It’s not fair for anyone to speculate what exactly went on between the two of you, but I think she has made it clear she wants out. Whether or not people are fans of Selena, I think we can all collectively agree you should’t take your own advice and Never Let Her Go. I almost forgot about your deposition! Let me just ask for clarification, are you aware of what a deposition is? I wouldn’t say it’s the best scenario to try out the rebuttal material for the future “Roast of Justin Bieber” on Comedy Central. There is no reason to be a disrespectful, arrogant, asshole and then wink at the camera when your current Belieber fandom population only consists of pathetic fangirls who are still teary-eyed about you cutting your hair.  Next time you sing “Spend a week with your boy I’ll be calling you my girlfriend” I will be calling my attorney.

I doubt you will be able to get your life together. The adorable, hair-tossing, “Baby” singer is gone, and all that’s left is a hot mess. Sure some of your music may be catchy, but you need a serious attitude adjustment. Watch your back because soon all the remaining Beliebers will be-leaving. You may just want Somebody To Love, while some people just want you deported. I’m left wondering if you will ever admit you’ve made mistakes.  Probably not, but like you once sang to crowds filled with millions of  preteen girls….Never Say Never, right?

Good Luck Justin. May Usher guide you in your quest.

With love,

A Former Belieber, Now Fed Up American Citizen

 

Me Vs. Beyonce

So there’s Beyoncé, and then there’s me. I’m a fan just like every other living, breathing human on the planet. We know her as Bey, Yoncé, Sasha Fierce, Queen B, God, or whatever else you might call her, she is truly one of a kind. When I type Beyoncé into my phone, it automatically auto-corrects it so there is an accent over the “e.” Even the iPhone is like damn, respect the queen. There are two types of people in this world. People who love Beyoncé, and people who are dead to me. I’m no Beyoncé, I’m not even Kelly Rowland or that other child of destiny. It can be hard to actually relate to Beyoncé’s music on a personal or emotional level, because she is just so flawless I automatically feel inferior. What do I look like when I wake up? Not Beyoncé. Still, she could release a song about going to the bathroom and I would pay $1.29 to listen to it on repeat for days. Her latest hit, “Drunk In Love” is catchy as usual, but the so called hidden message is not exactly open for interpretation. In fact, it’s extremely clear and maybe a little too obvious. Here’s my analysis of Drunk In Love:  Me Vs. Beyoncé.

“I’ve been drinking, I’ve been drinking. I get filthy when that liquor get into me” If by filthy she means sleepy.
“I’ve been thinking, I’ve been thinking, why can’t I keep my fingers off it, baby?” It’s called alcoholism, a disease that affects millions of people.
“Cigars on ice, cigars on ice” There may be some sort of double meaning here, but I’m just gonna go ahead and pretend she’s referring to a cigar being “on the rocks” which I know nothing about.
“Feeling like an animal with these cameras all in my grill. Flashing lights, flashing lights” Damn paps. Always snapping pics..
“You got me faded, faded, faded” What is drugs?
“Can’t keep your eyes off my fatty. Daddy, I want you, na na” Fatty= ass? Beyoncé has a great bod, so I wouldn’t really refer to her as having a fatty. Her ass looks great. You’re a lucky man, Jay-Z.  But wait, Daddy?……ewwwww. Don’t refer to your lover as daddy, it’s sick and twisted and it’s been done before. Mostly on Law & Order: SVU
“We woke up in the kitchen saying, How the hell did this shit happen? Oh baby,” If she’s talking about waking up to a plate of half eaten pizza rolls and a loss of dignity, I can really relate. But something tells me she’s not talking about the drunchies from the night before.
“Last thing I remember is our beautiful bodies grinding off in that club” Yeah so grinding ain’t always beautiful. Have you ever been to a high school dance?
“No complaints from my body, so fluorescent under these lights” All right, I know it’s Beyoncé, but NO ONE LOOKS GOOD IN FLUORESCENT LIGHTING. I don’t care how flawless you think you are, there’s nothing like a little fluorescent lighting  to make you HATE YOURSELF.
“Park it in my lot 7-11″ You bet you can find me in that parking lot, 7-11 has the best Slurpees around. Or is this some kind of innuendo…
“I’m rubbing on it, rub-rubbing, if you scared, call that reverend” I don’t think your reverend’s gonna want to hear about that, but hey you do you.
“Then I fill the tub up halfway then ride it with my surfboard, surfboard, surfboard” Google it.
“Graining on that wood, graining, graining on that wood” Grains come from wheat not trees!
“I’m swerving on that, swerving, swerving on that big body” The only thing I’m swerving on is the icy sidewalks, polar vortex ’14   AM I RIGHT?
“Never tired, never tired” Well then how come I’m always tired? oh, I guess it’s because I’m not Beyoncé.
“I been sipping, that’s the only thing that’s keeping me on fire, me on fire. Didn’t mean to spill that liquor all on my attire” I’ve been there, someone spills beer on your new dress and it’s like game-over, time to call it a night.
“I’ve been drinking watermelon” Watermelon what, Smirnoff? Schnapps? Kool-aid? If it’s Burnett’s, (more like burnast, ayoooo) then Bey’s gonna end up with her head in the toilet. But I’m sure she still looks hotter than me even when she’s puking. If I refer to myself as “drinking watermelon”,  for now just assume it’s watermelon sour patch kids.
“I want your body right here, daddy I want you, right now” once again, EW.
“Drunk in loooooooove” Beyoncé may be drunk in love, but I’m just drunk. Touche, Queen B.
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Frat Party Confessions

Let me start off by saying, by no means am I trying to antagonize the college Greek life system. I truly respect the notion of “brotherhood.” Although I can say with confidence and through personal experience, I know enough to expose some of the B.S associated with it. Before I came to college, frat parties seemed like the door to an unknown world filled with crazy themes, free alcohol and attractive guys. These social gatherings tend to maintain those promises, but that doesn’t mean freshmen should walk into a frat with high expectations. I’ve been to my fair share of frat parties so trust me when I say, they’re not always what they’re cracked up to be.

Themed parties are fun right? no, not always. They seem like a great idea, dressing up in some wacky and elaborate-yet clever costume. From the classic toga party to playboy parties, there are an unlimited number of categories. Nowadays, these themes may seem borderline offense or inappropriate but it’s all in good fun, right? I’ve seen themes such as, “Athletes and Mathletes” or “NavaHOES and Colonial Bros” the classy “CEOs and Corporate Hoes”  the patriotic “GI Joes & Army Hoes” and everyone’s favorite “Upper Class and White Trash.” While it may be amusing to dress up and take cute pictures, it can be incredibly hard to actually find something to wear. Unless you have a secret stash of camouflage print in your dorm, or a sexy Pocahontas costume that you’ve been dying to cut the tags off, consider yourself doomed. Even if your outfit is deemed acceptable, forget trying to look classy; as it is impossible to look even slightly modest dressed as any type of a “hoe.” ABC (anything but clothes) parties take the cake when it comes to questioning what to wear.  I’ve seen everything from girls in plastic bags, to pillow cases, and most baffling, girls duct taping themselves into dresses. While the point may be to get creative with your fashion style, is it really worth the discomfort?

I don’t love talking about the topic of bathrooms, but I find it necessary in this particular context. It’s no secret that girls go to the bathroom in groups, it’s part of our DNA. But if you’ve ever seen a group of girls in a frat house bathroom you’d be amazed to see what goes on. You go in with friends and other random girls are in there too, and it just doesn’t matter because everyone is wasted. There’s always that one girl who can’t hold it in and decides to squat in the bathtub or sink. No use in trying to stop her, her mind is made up, her speech is slurred and at this point all rules are thrown out the window. This just adds to the millions of reasons frats are not to put it harshly, but…disgusting. One of the many concerns I have pertain to the status of the floors. You walk in ready to get your freak on and automatically start sticking to the ground. If you’re wearing heels for some reason, it’s game over. Although, making it all the way to a frat house in heels is a respectable triumph, and will most likely be the highlight of the night. The thick slime of stale beer that never got mopped up from last weekend’s event swallows your shoes whole. Do yourself a favor and leave the wedges at home.

The dance floor at a frat party can be compared to the scenes in Mean Girls where Cady imagines her peers acting like wild animals. Hoping for a night out dancing with the girls? Don’t go to a frat, in fact stay as far away as possible.  If you’re a female, and you’re game for attending a frat party, do so with caution. Dancing with frat boys can be a lot of fun, and there’s nothing wrong with it. But be warned, because not every guy is just looking for a “dance partner.” You are just casually dancing, and then all the sudden out of no where some guy’s got his hands on your hips and he’s thrusting against you. What ever happened to “Hello, I’m (fill in the blank) would you like to dance?” Maybe some people love the anonymity of it, but I think most people could agree that the overall approach is a little intimate for a first dance. And guys aren’t just to blame, I’ve seen some pretty “unlady-like” behavior. There’s nothing wrong with being crazy and spontaneous, especially when alcohol is in the mix. But please, don’t start wall twerking and then get mad when some guy wants to grind with you. Nothing says “rub your crotch on my ass” quite like impersonating Miley Cyrus. When did people actually start grinding anyway? How did our parents dance at frat parties? Maybe that isn’t an image you want to see, but normal fast dancing used to be a thing. That may sound awkward, but I’m guessing it’s not as awkward as grinding looks from afar. You really can’t judge people’s behavior at frats, girls nor guys. Just remember that when you try 4 pointing on the dance floor, to think about all the dried up puke on the ground that your hands are hovering over. You just do you, but don’t let your guard down.

Call me a party pooper, but I’d rather sit in my comfortable room laughing with my friends while we polish off yet another bottle of Chardonnay, then be rubbed up against while Ke$ha blares in my ears. Don’t get me wrong, frat parties can be exciting and I believe every college student should experience it at least once. With that being said, they aren’t for everyone. Some of my best stories and hilarious moments have happened at frat parties, but we all grow out of them at some point. You’re only in college once so enjoy it, but think twice next time before eagerly accepting a Facebook invite saying “Construction Worker Theme Party: Get Hammered, Get Nailed.” There’s no way you’ll leave that frat house without a little bit of your dignity tarnished.

A Prayer For Amanda Bynes

Amanda Bynes is a Nickelodeon treasure. When I was growing up I wanted nothing more than to be like Amanda. Watching All That, and The Amanda Show were the best parts of my day. She is a talented, funny, and beautiful actress. Unfortunately, like many other child stars, somewhere along the road to fame she lost her way.  This is my prayer for the young girl who once brought us 90s kids so many laughs. She may have made a few strange slip ups over the past couple years, but I’m rooting for you, Holly Tyler.

First, All Mighty Father, 

let us pray for Amanda’s career, We all admired her once, back when she truly was All That

My dear Amanda, I am deeply concerned about your hairstyle choices. What is this mess of blonde-pink weave you’ve got going on? Penny, you know your character in hairspray, would never approve. Hopefully now that you’ve had a taste of the Judicial System, you’re never going back

Speaking of the Judicial System, I pray that any further legal issues help to bring out your inner Judge Trudy. We all know she’s still a part of you, but if you keep up the drug use the dancing lobsters may become a reality

St. Marianne Byrant, why did you throw a bong out of a window? for your sake, I hope God has a sense of humor. But if not, there is a higher power who will judge you for your indecency.. (Justin Bieber) So take it Easy, Ehh?

O Lord, May Drake Bell save your damaged soul, we would love for you two to work out your unrequited love in yet another “Hill Billy Moment”

On the topic of Drake, Lord please lift up Amanda’s Twitter account. For she did not mean to offend anyone, she was simply portraying her rebel alter-ego from her former role as Daphne Reynolds. Getting attacked on Twitter is definitely not What A Girl Wants

 Lord please watch over Holly Tyler, Though she may be a liar, and I’ll never fully understand why she wanted to date Henry when Vince was SO OBVIOUSLY in love with her. What I Like About You quickly vanished before our eyes, just like your once booming career.

You will forever be Amanda, the popular queen bee from “The Girl’s Room.” Her innocence may be tainted, but you don’t have to pretend to be the bad bitch you’ll never be.  So take that piercing out of your cheek, seriously.

As Penelope Taynt would say, Amanda please, admit that you have made some mistakes. You seem as lost as your mother in that hot air balloon on Moody’s Point

Lastly God, I pray for Amanda’s health. If a pregnant Jamie Lynn can get through ruining the greatness that was once Zoey 101, you can get through this little mishap.  I wish you the best of luck in the fashion school you’ve just enrolled in, but may you one day return to the world of sketch comedy. Because when it comes to the one and only Amanda Bynes, we can all agree that

She’s The (Wo)Man,

Amen.

The Truth About Girl Crushes

I’ll admit it, I like girls. No not in a romantic type of way, but as women I’m betting we’ve all had those moments where we struggle to suppress our infatuation with a particular Hollywood Actress. Her perfect hair, memorizing eyes, the way she does her makeup, her fashion style, her tight-toned physique, and what the hell, maybe even her life. What is this distinctly complicated feeling you ask? You are probably guilty of having developed what is known as, a girl crush.

The admiration of others is a part of life, and it teaches us how to find role models we can marvel at without seeming too “obsessive.” It is far from abnormal to have harmless attachments to other people. Growing up we go through the many phases of our first celebrity crushes. May it be a boy-band heartthrob from NSYNC, or an older sophisticated talent such as Leo DiCaprio, there is no shame in this innocent endearment. Preteen girls often find comfort and personal connections to pop stars and actresses. We all do it, so there’s no reason to hide it or be ashamed of it. I can guarantee even the most hipster chick you know has girl crushes, even if she denies it.

There are a couple different layers of girl crushes. As famous YouTuber Jenna Marbles explained in one of her videos, there are levels of intensity that a girl crush can be categorized into. I’ve come up with my own version of this, with my own criteria. The first level is called Fangirl. This is someone whose work you admire. Someone you may look up to for inspiration in many aspects of life such as fashion, or specific virtues they may possess. You’ve seen all the movies, or bought every album, and are obsessed with pretty much everything they have ever done. This type of girl crush qualifies as someone you wish you could be best friends with in real life. Maybe it’s Jennifer Lawrence, who seems super down to earth and hilarious. You may find yourself identifying with her awkwardly adorable demeanor while fanatically watching her red carpet interviews.

The second level of a girl crush comes down to the mantra of “I would like to be you.” This is the type of infatuation where envy plays a trivial role. One day you’re casually surfing the web, and suddenly find yourself looking at pictures of Blake Lively on Google Images for longer than you’d like to admit. She’s hot, there’s no denying it. The final level of girl crushes is not a joke. This can be labeled as “please adopt me and teach me your ways.” Like if I had the opportunity I would drop everything and hangout with/and or transform into you, or your child. No matter what movie or show they are in, you are willing to go out of your way to see it. At this level your crush is no longer a secret, the truth is out and your friends and family are aware that you would possibly trade one of them to meet this person. Although realistically, you feel like you already do know this person.

You don’t have to be romantically attracted to a girl crush, or maybe you are and that’s great too. At least come to terms with the fact that every girl has some level of a girl crush on someone. There is a reason every Wednesday there is a trending topic called “Women Crush Wednesday” on twitter. It’s not just a “girl” thing either, guys have man crushes too. So don’t let a guy make you feel strange for having Kristen Wiig as your iPhone background. Don’t apologize for hanging a poster of a hot actress on your bedroom wall, but instead celebrate your role models for helping you believe in something; anything. Continue to appreciate the greatness of women, and fully embrace your inner girl crush tendencies.

Are You There Netflix? It’s Me, Megan

“The Netflix Binge” The World’s Newest Epidemic

I just got Netflix for my birthday. Well actually a month early, because I couldn’t wait any longer. That should tell you something right there. On day one of finally purchasing my very own membership, I was already addicted. It doesn’t surprise me that people get addicted so easily when there are so many quality TV shows to choose from. I don’t just love TV; it is a major part of my life. As sad as that sounds, I’ve learned that I’m not alone. There are so many Netflix addicts out there, so you don’t have to feel bad about yourself for spending hours in front of your TV or computer screen glued to Orange Is The New Black. My Netflix addiction is no joke, and I would say that for some people it’s turning into somewhat of an epidemic. There are serious side effects, such as: lack of interest in other activities, little or no social life, and over-attachment to fictional characters. They become a part of your life, and sometimes I even find myself worrying about the well-being of Walter White and Jesse Pinkman throughout my week.

That bright red screen is almost like a sense of comfort and belonging. The funny thing is that even if you want to stop watching, depending on what device you’re streaming it on, Netflix doesn’t ask you if you want to watch the next episode. The countdown starts, the remote is out of reach, so you think to yourself “just one more episode.” Before you know it you’re 4 seasons deep, it’s 3:00 in the morning and you’ve lost all control of your life. But then you’re on that last episode of the series, and you just don’t want it to end. But it does, and it leaves you feeling empty –until you find a new series to invest your emotional attachment in. This is what is referred to as “binge watching.” It’s just a cycle and it comes with relapse and withdrawals, just like any other addiction. The commercials you see on TV even warn to “watch responsibly.” In no way am I dissing Netflix; in many ways I see it as kind of like a close friend who is around only when you want them to be. So stop feeling bad about finishing the entire series of LOST in a 2 week time span. Or watching not just one, but all three Cheetah Girls movies in one sitting (I’ve done it and let me tell you I am not ashamed). I guarantee loving Netflix won’t land you on an episode of “My Strange Addiction.” So keep watching, and don’t forget that one more episode really means 8 more episodes, or even an entire season. Good luck my friends.

Mean Girls, Why We’re Still Laughing Today

In case you live in a cave somewhere with no access to anything ever, yesterday was October 3rd, AKA National Mean Girls Day. Fun fact, Mean Girls came out 9 years ago. Crazy, right? The year was 2004, I was in the fourth grade, and I was only 10 years old.  Like every girl that age I idolized Lindsay Lohan, plus we had the same hair color (yes it was natural, and gorgeous). When I first saw it in theaters, it went right over my head, I mean LITERALLY every “subtle” sexual innuendo didn’t even phase me until my years of awkward puberty. Little did I know that later on this movie would completely change my life and teach me so much about the struggles of being a girl. So how is it still so widely popular and hilarious after all this time? Well throw on your army pants and flip flops and get ready to be personally victimized by Regina George.

Mean Girls is probably known as the most quotable movie in history. I wouldn’t want to live in a world where people don’t periodically yell out “she doesn’t even go here” in a large crowd of people.  I mean you’re lying if you say you haven’t tried to successfully memorize the jingle bell rock dance at a highly inappropriate young age, or make a diarrhea joke outside of a Barnes and Noble. I think that the reason this film is so popular is that the message really resonates with all kinds of people. I mean we all know a queen bee like Regina George, and we all have our moments where we feel like outcasts or Cady Herons.  If you take a moment to look past all the desperate Barbie doll wannabes, dirty yet hilarious jokes, and unrealistic expectations about hair, this movie has a really important message about being yourself and respecting others. It just often gets lost between the clever humor, foreshadowing and plot twists written by the brilliant Tina Fey.

If you ask a random girl on the street what her favorite movie is, there is about a 54% chance her answer will be Mean Girls. It’s almost like the bible of womanhood, the guide to feminism, or the “How to survive being a girl for dummies” book. It’s the gospel, or at least to me it feels that way. Mean Girls isn’t just a fandom full of girls, it’s a lifestyle. Every single line is quotable, and every situation is so relate able. The lines from this movie can pretty much be paired up with anything and everything. From Harry Potter to Political presidential debates, mean girls quotes can fit anywhere. It is so well and uniquely written that it just stays in your mind. You can find memes saying “boo you whore” “fetch” and “that’s why her hair’s so big, it’s full of secrets” all over the internet. This movie accurately depicts what it is like to change who you are to fit in. So pretty much, in a nut shell surviving high school. Girls are mean, there is no doubt about that. They can be super catty and in constant competition with one another, yet this movie twists it into a way that makes it acceptable to laugh about it. The humor in Mean Girls will never get old, because girls will always be mean. In another 10 years we will still be laughing at Kevin G’s rap, Karen Smith’s gym clothes (in the name of all that is holy) and Damien’s too gay to function mannerisms.  This clever comedy will live on forever, as we all know when it comes to the number of times one can quote Mean Girls, the limit does not exist.

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The Emmys: A Drinking Game That Ends In Tears

Let me just start off by saying that Sunday night was a emotional roller coaster. The Emmy‘s is not just an award show to me. It’s like watching all my friends hanging out together, without me… When I watch the Emmy’s, I end up drinking close to a whole bottle of wine while crying tears of anger and (or) joy and screaming at the TV. It’s casual.  It all starts with the slightly over the top and horribly awkward red carpet party where we are forced to watch uncomfortable interviews and slo-mo videos of the “Glamcam 360″ while taking a shot every time someone says “who are you wearing” (I don’t recommend doing that, I assume it’s deadly) Ryan Seacrest should really be the only one allowed to interview people. He just shoots the s*** and gets down to business. He doesn’t make people do the “mani-cam” which is pretty much a webcam hidden in a shoebox. Let me just say, If I put my hand in that thing, I would probably flick it off in order to be 100% sure that everyone at home could see my overpriced manicure that I didn’t have to pay for.

By far, Merritt Wever stole the show. Her speech, was pure brilliance. In case you missed it: “I have to go, bye.” Genius. It really got me thinking, if I had just unexpectedly beat out Jane Krakowski and Anna Chlumsky for an Emmy, I would probably shit my pants.  First off all, after my name was called I would most likely fall up the stairs. But not in a clumsy adorable way like Jennifer Lawrence. No, my fall would probably end with my rented stilettos breaking as I not-so-gracefully plummet to my embarrassing demise. Upon gathering my dignity from the floor, I would look up to check if anyone noticed, only to find Matt Damon starring at me with his best Macaulay Culkin Home Alone impression. Would I even be able to make a speech after that? If I did, I would be a stuttering hot mess and start thanking random people such as Anne Hathaway or my 7th grade health teacher who doubled as my volleyball coach. so hats off to Merritt Wever, for keeping it simple.

Some of the winners were accurate while other absolute BS (in my opinion at least). Tina Fey and Tracey Wigfield definitely did deserve the Emmy for writing the series finale of 30 Rock, hands down. Tina’s speech was full of elegance yet modestly funny, and Tracey just seems like the kind of girl who would come over to drink slutty pink Moscato and binge watch The Office after a rough day. In other words, I fantasize about us being best friends. Then there was the “Lead Actress In A Comedy Series” category, which was stressing me out ever since the nominees were released in August. Julia vs. Amy vs. Tina vs. Lena vs. that “nurse” lady. Julia is so good in Veep, so her winning was okay, but I was still heart broken for Amy. I love Lena as well and she is super talented, but I’m sure if she won she would have probably gotten naked right in the middle of the stage. As long as the nurse lady didn’t win, I was happy. For I will not have that.

Now, “Lead Actor In A Comedy Series” we all know that Alec Baldwin had it in the bag. When I heard “And the Emmy goes to….Jim Parsons” I literally screamed. I was and still am so pissed. Mostly because after hearing his name I spilled half of my wine into my lap. Don’t even get me started on The Big Bang Theory… it is the worst show ever and that is not up for debate. I put it in the same category as Rascal Flatts, Swine Flu, and the Trail mix in my bag of M&Ms. If that wasn’t bad enough, Modern Family won best comedy. Don’t get me wrong I love Modern Family, but if your telling me that this past season was better than Veep, 30 Rock, and Parks, you are even drunker than me at this point. At least Will Ferrell showed up with a clever bit to save the show.

To sum it all up:  John Hamm still doesn’t have his Emmy, The Big Bang Theory can suck it, I don’t know what it is about Sarah Silverman, but I hate her, and I feel personally victimized by The Academy.