Can I call you Biebs? I just feel as if “Justin” is kind of… been there done that. There’s Timberlake, Long, Russo, and no way would I put you in the same category as them. I mean it would be insulting–for them. I have so many questions, but first off, how dare you? I find myself wondering what happened to the Bieber we all once knew and (some) loved. I’ll admit, I was once a belieber. No i’m not proud of it, but I really do believe you had some talent at one point in your career. Now I just don’t know what the hell you are doing these days. Where do I begin? Let’s start with the pants. There is this thing called a belt, I’m assuming you had one back in Canada? Sagging is not a cute look, and there is no excuse…as it is no longer the 90s. You look like you’re walking around with a full diaper in your pants, and this wasn’t just a One Time occurrence. Pull it up, because I promise no one wants to see that. Now when it comes to illegal substances–I get it you’re young and you want to have a good time. You do you! Just remember that when you choose to live a life in the spotlight, you can’t get mad when people call you out for smoking weed and picking fights with bars for not serving you underage. I let you slide for awhile, but when you peed in that bucket at that restaurant, It was a deal breaker. Then you just had to go and get a DUI? I bet you blew a (My World) 2.0 am I right? (JK, you’d be dead).
Let’s not forget about your mug shot, you really weren’t kidding when you said U Smile, I smile huh? You look like a psychopath, and I say that with love and the deepest of concerns. I’m guessing you felt like a real badass when you got that tattoo of Jesus on your calf huh? Well now I don’t think I can find a body part of yours that hasn’t been inked. Seriously Biebs, your tats look like a cluster-fuck. I know they are addicting but get it together and maybe next time don’t get a tat of a now ex-girlfriend on your arm. No amount of roses will ever change how creepy that is. Nothing says Down To Earth quite like a celebrity with too much money, spending thousands of dollars to get another celebrity’s attention.
I bet Drake wakes us every morning filled with regret about being featured in one of your songs (but not Sean Kingston, he’s still basking in the glory). I know the media is somewhat to blame for child stars who get into trouble, but you let it get out of control. And please, don’t drag Selena Gomez down with you, even if she is your Favorite Girl. It’s not fair for anyone to speculate what exactly went on between the two of you, but I think she has made it clear she wants out. Whether or not people are fans of Selena, I think we can all collectively agree you should’t take your own advice and Never Let Her Go. I almost forgot about your deposition! Let me just ask for clarification, are you aware of what a deposition is? I wouldn’t say it’s the best scenario to try out the rebuttal material for the future “Roast of Justin Bieber” on Comedy Central. There is no reason to be a disrespectful, arrogant, asshole and then wink at the camera when your current Belieber fandom population only consists of pathetic fangirls who are still teary-eyed about you cutting your hair. Next time you sing “Spend a week with your boy I’ll be calling you my girlfriend” I will be calling my attorney.
I doubt you will be able to get your life together. The adorable, hair-tossing, “Baby” singer is gone, and all that’s left is a hot mess. Sure some of your music may be catchy, but you need a serious attitude adjustment. Watch your back because soon all the remaining Beliebers will be-leaving. You may just want Somebody To Love, while some people just want you deported. I’m left wondering if you will ever admit you’ve made mistakes. Probably not, but like you once sang to crowds filled with millions of preteen girls….Never Say Never, right?
Good Luck Justin. May Usher guide you in your quest.
A Former Belieber, Now Fed Up American Citizen